


The World Ends on a Thursday

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: F/M, Incest (even if Derek doesn't know), John is a bit of an asshole, M/M, Non-descriptive unpleasantness happening due to the world having ended, Set entirely in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-14
Updated: 2012-07-14
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:04:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek Reese is fifteen when the world ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World Ends on a Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up to 2x06. I might have taken some liberties with the timeline established in ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ too.

When the world ends Derek wants to curl up and cry. Cry for his parents, for his friends, for the life he is never going to have now. He doesn’t though, because Kyle is right there and he’s got to look after his brother. The kid is only eight and he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Doesn’t understand why they had to go underground and hide after they saw the missiles’ launch from their yard. Doesn’t understand why they can’t go outside anymore. Doesn’t understand why their mom and dad aren’t with them. And he keeps asking, over and over again, until Derek feels like screaming at him to shut up but he doesn’t.

Instead he sits Kyle down on his lap and tells him their parents are in Heaven now – yes, just like their dog who was hit by a car – and that there are bad things outside that want to hurt them. He must not be scared though, because Derek will protect him. He won’t let anyone hurt him – ever. He promises.

Kyle cries for days and won’t let go of his hand – which works just fine for Derek because he is terrified of losing him in the tunnels. His mom told him to look after his brother, and that’s what he is going to do. That’s what keeps him going.

There are other people around and Derek doesn’t trust any of them. If he was on his own maybe he would take a chance, but he’s got Kyle to think about and he won’t risk him. So he tries to avoid them, as much as he can.

Eventually though, what little food they had runs out. Kyle has to eat and there aren’t a lot of options available. People don’t give food away out of the kindness of their heart anymore – Derek finds that out the hard way.

He’s not proud of what he’s got to do to keep Kyle fed but he refuses to be ashamed either.

He is taking care of his brother.

\---

Little by little people start getting organized. Clans form. And news start trickling in from the outside. There are whispers of machines taking over the world. Of survivors being rounded up and put into camps. The cities are in ruins and the bombs have killed millions. There is no grass outside anymore, just charred soil.

Derek doesn’t tell Kyle any of this, not yet.

And despite all odds, life goes on.

Then one day, Kyle is gone. Derek leaves him alone for thirty minutes to get food from some guys he doesn’t want Kyle to meet – ever – and he gets back to chaos and destruction. The place has been raided and he wasn’t there to protect his little brother.

He looks for hours afterwards. Looks at the bodies left behind, looks everywhere he can think of in case Kyle had run. The kid is only thirteen and he isn’t that big. He could have found some nook somewhere and stayed hidden, waiting for Derek’s voice to tell him it’s okay to come out.

But Kyle is nowhere to be found and Derek has to accept the truth. 

He’s lost Kyle.

He does stupid things after that. Takes stupid risks, trying to take down as many metals as he can. Trying to find Kyle. Because he isn’t giving up. Kyle is his life. Looking after him is what’s kept him going – kept him _sane_ – these past six years and without him he’s got nothing – he is nothing. And he’s made a promise. 

He’s got to get Kyle back.

He gains some sort of a reputation, one he isn’t entirely proud of – but hey whatever works, right? He gains scars as well, too many close calls with no one to watch his back. ‘No one’s ever come back from a Skynet work camp before,’ they tell him, but he ignores them all.

The years pass and Derek grows more and more careless. Takes more and more risks. But he never gives up. Kyle is alive, and as long as he believes this to be a fact he’ll get up every morning and look for him.

\---

About six years after Kyle’s gone missing Derek overhears people talking about a break-out in one of the camps, led by John Connor. He dismisses it at first – people have been whispering about Connor for years and Derek is pretty sure the man is just a myth – but the rumour grows and people start talking about a Reese who escaped with him. And Derek finds himself hoping.

It’s surprisingly easy to find Connor, and for a man hunted by Skynet he really ought to be more careful. Standing right next to him is Kyle. Older, but alive and that’s really all Derek cares about.

He takes a step forward, the motion towards Kyle – or rather towards Connor – deemed threatening by the rest of the room and he suddenly finds himself facing a dozen guns. He freezes, raising his hands up slowly, but Kyle has spotted him and a split second later his brother is in his arms and Derek can only hold on as hard as he can. Kyle is here. He got Kyle back. He can breathe again.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” he says, and if his voice is a little rough no one notices but Kyle.

When Derek – reluctantly – lets him go Kyle drags him to meet ‘John Connor, leader of the Resistance’. Derek grins at Kyle’s enthusiasm and he lets himself be dragged, a fond smile on his lips. 

Connor is older than Derek by a few years and looks vaguely familiar, although Derek can’t place him. Maybe they’ve met before? Or maybe not, he thinks upon closer inspection – he thinks he would remember. Connor’s handsome, with a magnetic charisma that must have something to do with why so many follow him. 

Oh yes, he definitely would remember meeting this man.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Connor says when Kyle introduces him. 

“Likewise.”

And that’s the end of it. Connor shifts his focus elsewhere and despite the brevity of their interaction Derek feels like he’s just been sized up, his strengths and weaknesses catalogued.

It’s not a feeling he likes.

\---

Truth be told Derek would rather have nothing to do with Connor. He is a dangerous man on a good day and on a bad one he’s downright lethal, especially with Skynet more determined than ever to bring him down. That’s just not conducive to keeping Kyle safe. But when he tries to bring the subject up with Kyle he just won’t listen and that’s enough of a shock that Derek backs down.

The thing is…

It’s strange, having Kyle back. When he thought about his brother during all these years apart Derek thought about the thirteen-year-old with the too-big clothes and the shy smiles who relied on him for everything. But Kyle is an adult now, one who’s been through Hell and who doesn’t really need him anymore.

That kid is gone, and why Derek would expect to get him back when it’s been _years_ he doesn’t know and he finds it hard to adjust to the change.

Finds it hard to accept that he’s been replaced.

Kyle looks at Connor like he’s some sort of hero, and maybe he is – Derek is man enough to admit that he owes him one for getting Kyle out of the camp alive. Still it irks. Last time he checked _he_ was the coolest person on Earth. Kyle used to look at _him_ like that. And it’s fucked up really because it’s been six _years_ and they’re fighting a war and it shouldn’t matter but it does and Derek is helpless to stop it.

He tries though, for Kyle, because the kid wants his big brother and his new hero to be the best of friends. And John _is_ a good leader. The man knows what he is talking about, his plans are sound and he always has good intel. He’s willing to sacrifice lives but never blindly. And his men like him. Would do anything for him. That alone would make him an okay guy in Derek’s book, except…

… except he doesn’t like the way Connor looks at Kyle when he thinks no one is watching – and Derek is always watching. There is something softer in his eyes then and Derek worries. Nobody touches Kyle, he’s made sure of that. Not unless the boy is utterly willing. And he doesn’t know Connor enough to trust him not to take advantage.

There are also downsides in watching Connor so closely and Derek starts noticing other things. Like the way Connor tilts his head to the right when he’s thinking hard. Or the way he chews on his lower lip when he can’t make things go according to plan. Or the way he smiles, victorious, when a mission has gone particularly well. A hundred small things that Derek shouldn’t be noticing but is.

And sometimes he catches John watching him back and he doesn’t know what that means.

Then Kyle announces he’s going to fight with Connor and Derek wants to yell _‘Like Hell you are!’_ He just got his brother back, there is no way he’s going to let him put himself in harm’s way so soon – if ever. But Kyle won’t budge and so Derek does what every over-protective brother would do in his place – he enlists with him.

John is smart enough to put them in the same unit – he’s probably figured out by now that he would never hear the end of it from Derek if he didn’t. Then again, Derek is pretty sure John doesn’t want Kyle to get himself killed either so keeping them together really is common sense – Derek will die before he lets anything happen to Kyle.

Three months in they have their first close call which ends with a new scar for Derek – he’s got quite the collection by now. But Kyle is unharmed so it’s a win in Derek’s book. What Kyle is, however, is pissed at him but that’s okay too – you’ve got to be alive to be mad at someone.

That night Derek celebrates by getting drunk. John joins him at some point, which is probably a very bad idea because when Derek is drunk he gets philosophical. And when Derek gets philosophical he likes to ponder one John Connor.

See, the thing is most of the time he likes John just fine. He’s one of the best fighters Derek has ever met and he is also pretty smart. Derek respects that. Plus he’s recently come to the conclusion that John doesn’t want to fuck Kyle after all, which is good. But if he doesn’t want to fuck Kyle then what the fuck does he want? In Derek’s world, people aren’t nice to you unless they want something. He can’t figure out John’s angle and that makes him edgy.

There is also a small chance that Derek might be attracted to the man, which just makes everything more complicated. Why can’t his life be simple for once?

John laughs at his drunken ramblings. Then he is moving closer and there is something predatory in his eyes that Derek hasn’t seen before. And all he can think is _‘oh’_ before John pushes him down and kisses him.

It’s slow and intent, a little clumsy on Derek’s part because he hasn’t kissed that many people – he usually just fucks them. He wants to tell John not to bother and just go on with it – he doesn’t need to be seduced. But John seems to like the kissing and so Derek gives as good as he gets and enjoys it.

At some point they manage to get their clothes off and it’s a thoroughly enjoyable night for both of them, even if Derek doesn’t remember all of it – he really was quite drunk.

The next morning he’s sore and hangover, with enough hazy memories from the previous night to remember that it was _John_ and regret the fact that it probably won’t ever happen again. He’s never heard of John having a regular someone and he doesn’t expect to be any different. No reason he would be, right?

Which is why it’s a surprise when John seeks him out the next evening. They’re both sober this time and it’s _good_ and Derek thinks he might be in trouble.

They develop a pattern after that. There is never enough time – John is perpetually busy and Derek is away more often than he’d like – but they make do. It’s not perfect, of course, and never easy. They both have responsibilities, they both have _issues_. Derek’s number one priority is still Kyle. And John can’t seem to trust anyone, can’t relax completely no matter where they are, his eyes always watching, checking exits and assessing potential threats. Years of being hunted will do that to you and Derek doesn’t let it bother him. It’s kept John alive so far and that’s what matters.

Still what they have, it’s good. Comfortable. Years pass, years of fighting and fucking, as routine as it can get. Derek thinks he might even be a little in love with John but that’s not something he likes to think too much about. Love and war don’t mix.

They don’t tell Kyle. They don’t tell anyone. There is nothing to tell. And if some notice they don’t mention it. Whatever this thing between them is, it’s _theirs_ and Derek wouldn’t want it any other way.

He sometimes wonders what made John choose him in the first place – and why he keeps coming back. It’s not like Derek is anything special and he knows by now that John never does anything without a reason. He doesn’t kid himself into thinking it might be love – he isn’t sure John is capable of loving anyone like that, not anymore. But he thinks John does care about him, as much as he can. He doesn’t ask though because he doesn’t want to be told otherwise. He’s happy with the way things are. He’s got John, and he’s got Kyle.

Life is as good as it can get.

Then everything changes.

Derek gets himself captured and his first thought is that he’s glad Kyle made it out okay. He still remembers the nightmares his brother had after he came back with John and he never wants him to go through that again. 

His second thought is that he’s going to miss John and that’s enough to snap him out of his wallowing. He’s not giving up. He’s got a promise to keep, after all.

In between sessions in the basement Derek works on his escape, loosening the bolts that keep him chained and saving up his strength. He _is_ getting out.

In the end it’s rather anti-climatic. One day the metals are just gone, leaving them all behind. So Derek gathers what’s left of his unit and takes them back to camp. Except their bunker has been hit while they were gone and all that’s left in Kyle’s trunk is his picture of John’s mother. And Derek knows, he _knows_ that Kyle would never go anywhere without it. It’s his lucky charm.

“Please, God…” he whispers, because he can’t go through this again. Not again.

A patrol finds them then and the relief Derek feels when they tell him Kyle wasn’t there when the attack took place is short-lived.

Kyle is gone. 

Went on one of John’s missions and never came back.

He is _gone_.

The part of Derek that’s not numb wants to scream, find John and yell at him that Kyle was his friend, that he _trusted_ him, but John refuses to see him and that just makes Derek angrier. The man owes him an explanation. How dare he sacrifice Kyle and not have the balls to tell Derek in person, like it didn’t matter? Like Kyle didn’t matter? 

Like _Derek_ didn’t matter.

And then all he can think about is that it would never have happened if he had been here. He would have stopped John, somehow, or volunteered to go in Kyle’s stead – Kyle would have been pissed and probably wouldn’t have talked to him for a couple of days, but who cares? He would have been _alive_.

But instead Derek got himself captured and now Kyle is dead.

Which makes it Derek’s fault just as much as John’s and he can’t deal with that.

He moves as through a fog, the litany of _‘gone, gone, gone’_ echoing in his head. He’s got to get away from here, because if he doesn’t he might do something very stupid like barge into John’s lab and shoot their illustrious commander and that really would be too bad, wouldn’t it? So he turns around and starts walking.

He’s got to take a leak.

He comes back to himself outside the bunker. He’s got his gun in his hand and he thinks – why not? It’s not like he’s got anything left, is it? Kyle is dead and John doesn’t care. Probably never did. His fingers ghost over his weapon, considering. The metal is smooth, the weight so familiar it’s almost comforting. All he needs to do is – 

Then the door opens behind him and there is this girl, looking at him and the gun quizzically and she says:

“Your fly’s open.”

Derek blinks and suddenly he’s laughing, a watery laugh that’s really more tears than mirth. The girl is looking at him like he’s crazy and Derek thinks he might be but he still lowers the gun, turning away to hide the tears.

What the fuck was he thinking?

“Reese, right?” the girl says and Derek nods, still not looking at her. But she is nothing if not persistent and her smaller hand closes around his.

“I’m Jesse by the way. I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you but you still haven’t done anything about that fly of yours so…”

Derek looks down through blurry eyes and realizes his fly is indeed open. He’d do something about it except she’s still holding his hand and he isn’t ready to put away his gun just yet. So he doesn’t and she sighs.

“Suit yourself. Come on, I’m getting cold.”

And just like that she pulls him back inside and he follows, stumbling a little as he goes. He feels drained all of a sudden, the days of torture and the escape and – his mind shies away from the rest of it – finally catching up with him.

He just wants to sleep and wake up to find that this was all a bad dream. It doesn’t matter if he wakes up in that house with metals all around so long as he does wake up and this never happened. Please, God…

The tunnels seem endless but Jesse tugs him along with a sure hand. Then he finds himself pushed into an empty bunk and he gratefully passes out.

\---

He sees Jesse again a couple of days later. They both pretend it’s the first time they meet and fifteen minutes later he’s fucking her against the wall. It’s good so they do it again. And again. It doesn’t make him feel any better though. Nothing can.

Before he knows it they’ve been going at it for six months. Truth be told he’s kind of surprised he’s still alive – he’d have thought he would have been a little too slow on a mission by now and got himself blown up, his sub-conscious doing the job for him.

During those six months Derek has felt like a part of him was missing – two parts, even. Kyle – and that’s one gaping hole that’s never going to close – and John, whom he hates and loves equally these days. And that just pisses him off more. He wants the love part _gone_.

Every time he is at HQ he tries to see John, and every time he gets turned away. And every time he hates John a little more, loves him a little less. He isn’t asking for much here – all he wants to know is where he sent Kyle, so he can go and retrieve his body. And whether John ever gave a damn about his little brother or if he gets off on making kids love him so he can use that love and send them to die. 

He also wants to know if fucking him was part of the plan, though he’ll never ask that one because he really doesn’t want to know the answer.

It’s so easy to convince himself John never cared about him these days. So easy to hate him. He’s changed. Or maybe he was always like this, secretive and ruthless, and Derek just didn’t want to see it. He’s got fucking _metals_ walking around the base, supposedly ‘reprogrammed’ and God only knows how long it’ll be before one of them flips and kills them all – kills _John_. And damn if it isn’t just as easy for Derek to hate himself, because the sheer possibility of John dying hurts like a son of a bitch.

When Derek feels like being introspective – which is when he drinks too much – he acknowledges that this is the reason why he and John should never have gotten involved in the first place. Had John only been his commander, Derek could have gone on. Oh he would never have forgiven him, but he would have understood – there are losses in war. But as John’s lover and friend he had expected more. He had expected his feelings to matter, but of course they never had.

He fucks Jesse to distract himself. He genuinely likes her – she’s hot and one hell of a soldier. And she’s a girl, which is just what he needs. There aren’t that many women around and Derek usually doesn’t mind – he had John, and even before that he had always thought it was just as easy to get off with another guy – but he doesn’t want to think about John when he’s doing it. She isn’t often around these days though, her squad always on one mission or another.

She says it’s because John doesn’t like her.

Derek says she’s imagining things.

\---

One day it finally happens. One of those fucking metals opens fire in the middle of the base, the one place that’s supposed to be safe, that they all long for when they’re off fighting outside.

Not anymore.

Derek takes no pride in being right, not when he’s got to watch his friends get killed by a machine _John_ told them was on their side. When that thing turns towards him Derek knows he’s going to die and he almost welcomes it. Almost, but not quite, because it seems there is nothing like facing death to make you realize you want to live after all.

He doesn’t die. The metal that looks just like that poor girl Allison – another one who followed John blindly, and another one who paid for it – saves him and damn if it doesn’t hurt his pride to owe his life to it.

Eventually John orders him to report to his lab – and he has the balls to send the Allison look-alike to fetch him. Is that supposed to show him how domesticated he’s made them? Derek isn’t buying it. He was there. He saw.

She opens the door for him and the fact that she’s got such an easy access to John makes him angry. Derek tells himself it’s common sense and not jealousy talking. When she flips she’ll head straight for John and he’ll be dead. The fact that _Derek_ has never been inside that lab despite the fact that they’d been fucking for close to five years doesn’t factor in that equation. Not at all.

He steps inside and she closes the door behind him, thankfully remaining outside. And Derek can only stare.

What the fuck has John been doing?

“Derek.”

John’s voice snaps out of his contemplation and Derek straightened, standing at attention. He normally wouldn’t, but if John can ignore him for six months and pretend nothing ever happened between them – pretend Kyle never existed – then so can Derek.

Still he’s got to look at him and the sight hits him like a ton of bricks. He may have been able to fool himself before but here and now, with John only a few feet away, he can’t lie to himself. The attraction is still there. The want. The need.

The love.

Derek grits his teeth and focuses on a spot next to John’s head instead. It makes things a little easier.

John tells him he’s got a mission for him. He’s sending him back twenty years in the past to change the future and stop Skynet from ever being created.

Derek almost laughs out loud. John has finally lost it.

“To the past?” he asks sardonically.

“It works,” John states, sounding as sure – as sane – as he’s ever been. “Kyle went back thirty years.”

Just like that Derek’s resolution to be cool and collected – professional – snaps and he finds himself shoving John against the wall. It’s all the man’s fault really. Shouldn’t have mentioned Kyle. But John doesn’t even blink.

“Where did you send Kyle?” Derek snarls, his grip on John’s shirt tightening.

“To the past.”

“Yeah? Well, bring him back!”

“There is no way back.”

“Then why did you send _him_?” Derek’s voice breaks on that last word and he lets go of John abruptly, taking a step back. He can’t bear to look at him.

“It had to be him.” John sounds almost gentle, sorrowful even and Derek wants to punch him. How dare he pity him? 

“Damn you,” he whispers and tries to walk away except John’s arms close around him, pulling him back against the other man’s chest.

Derek struggles against the embrace but John is stronger, or maybe Derek doesn’t really want to get free.

“Let me _go_ ,” he still says, because it’s been six fucking months and Kyle is gone and who the fuck does John think he is?

John’s lips on his throat make him freeze, his heartbeat spiking.

“I’ve missed you,” John tells him and Derek snorts. 

“Liar.”

John’s missed him so much he’s sending him on a one-way trip to the past. And Derek almost tells him where he can shove his mission – he isn’t getting rid of him that easily. But Derek remains first and foremost a soldier, loyal to the cause, and so he doesn’t. If John wants him gone, he’ll go.

He doesn’t resist when John turns him around and kisses him properly. This is the last time, he realizes, and finds himself kissing John back, his fingers burying into John’s short hair with something close to desperation.

John tries to go slow but Derek won’t let him. He feels like he might shatter in a thousand pieces if John is gentle with him. So their last time is harsh and almost brutal, fuelled by grief and hopelessness and loss. It leaves them both bloody and raw and Derek tries to tell himself it doesn’t mean John cares. His movements are stiff when he gathers his clothes, his mind going back to the mission. He’s got to assemble his team and –

John’s hand on his arm stops him – puzzles him.

“Don’t hate him, it’s not his fault,” John says and Derek frowns. 

“Who?” he asks but John shakes his head.

“You’ll understand soon. And… try to be happy.”

John kisses him again and it’s tender this time, both apology and farewell. Derek wrenches his arm away and leaves before he can change his mind. John doesn’t understand a thing. He is sending him away and he won’t ever be able to come back. He’s never going to see John again. Never going to kiss him, feel his hands on him. Never going to make love to him. He’ll miss him and he’ll hate himself for it. And Kyle will still be dead.

How on earth is he supposed to be happy?

\---

It takes close to nine months for Derek to finally understand what John meant.

Nine months spent in the past, constantly looking over his shoulder, collecting data and waiting for something to happen.

Then he meets John, a John who’s so damn young it makes Derek’s head spin. War hasn’t hardened his face, sharpened his eyes, scarred his body. He’s just a kid, really, scared and vulnerable and trying hard not to show it.

A kid who has Kyle’s eyes.

And Derek thinks maybe John never knew him at all because there is no way he could hate this John. He’s Kyle’s, and he is John, and Derek finally has a chance to make things right.

A chance to stop Skynet before it forces John into a role he never wanted. 

A chance to save John – from himself – before necessity makes him grow cold and merciless.

A chance to make sure Kyle and Derek don’t ever have to grow up in a world in shambles.

And maybe, when that’s done, a chance to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my livejournal.


End file.
